Jaguars Only and All Others Need Not Apply

A modern man’s online dating profile:

Hello, I don’t have any kids and probably will never want any. If you’re not capable of hitting the snooze button on your biological clock, I’m not interested in you—dual incomes and no kids (DINKs). If all you have are boobs and booty, move along. Those aren’t enough anymore. You better have a science degree, make good money and not be a shallow imbecile who has a fetish for fashion. I don’t care about your silly shoes, your clothes, or your entitled attitude. If you want marriage and commitment, you can get down on your fucking knees, humiliate yourself, and beg for it. Where’s my ring, bitch? What have you done for me lately?


Finding a 30-something woman who isn’t desperately single, divorced-with-children, a single mother, bat-shit crazy, or who doesn’t look like bigfoot is about as rare as actually spotting bigfoot. Their rarity, as well as other attributes, is what makes these jaguars so special. They don’t complain about the ticking of their biological clocks.

My Cousinn Vinny Bioloagical Clock2

They are not hysterically desperate to find a man and make babies. They are actually independent, responsible, and have made a life for themselves, a life that isn’t dependent upon being a sandwich-maker and/or the victim of patriarchy. They don’t blame patriarchy and, by extension, they don’t blame men, using them as scapegoats to express a sort of sociopathic lack of empathy, compassion, and care about men. They don’t play some silly game about how women are the longest suffering long-sufferers in the history of long-suffering. Oppression Olympics are not sports for the jaguar. As such, they don’t feel entitled to a man or to his provision and protection.

Feminists are supposed to be strong and independent, kind of like the elusive jaguar. Perhaps we can spot one of these jaguars at Jezebel. Take Meher Ahmad as an example. She published this bitchypocritical piece of shit last week, a few days before Father’s Day. Ms. Ahmad’s piece of shit was a response to Laurie Shrage’s Is Forced Fatherhood Fair?—a balanced and fair look at the lack of men’s reproductive rights, from the perspective of a feminist-philosopher. Notice how Ms. Ahmad excoriates Shrage’s “sympathetic view of a man who accidentally conceives a child.” Ms. Ahmad, in a stereotypically feminist sort of sociopathic way, expresses no compassion, empathy, or care about these forced-fathers. She writes. “Boo fucking hoo. At the end of the day, the only thing the government, and society, requires fathers to do is pay money, which is a hell of a lot easier than raising a child alone, as most mothers who have children out of wedlock are forced to do. Yeah, it’s unfair for them, but it’s not nearly as unfair as forced motherhood.”

Let’s unpack this sociopathic and bitchypocritical drivel. Men effectively have only 3 options regarding their reproductive rights—condoms, abstinence, vasectomies. That’s it. Ms. Ahmad complains that in some states, “abortion is virtually illegal/impossible to get.” That’s right. However, unless Ms. Ahmad lives in some bizarre virtual world, it’s not even “virtually” possible for men to get abortions. Although a woman can terminate her pregnancy, a man has, so far as I know, no right to terminate his legal obligations to support a child, even if the child was created without his consent. (Consent to sex is not consent to fatherhood.) A man who does not submit to this legal obligation can be thrown into a cage, treated like an animal, and denigrated as a “dead-beat-dad.” Perhaps we should refer to mothers who terminate their pregnancies as “dead-beat-mothers,” just to be fair. Nah…that’s kind of sociopathic. Some people might get the idea that we don’t have any compassion, empathy, or care about these mothers.

Ms. Ahmad seems very willing to express compassion, empathy, and care about single mothers. However, and contrary to tripe like this about the virtues of single motherhood, Ms. Ahmad presents the idea that mothers are victims, dependent upon a man and/or father-state, due to their lack of reproductive rights. Ms. Ahmad tries to bury the fact that women have more reproductive rights than men under the narrative that single mothers have a hard time of it—that they are the longest suffering long-sufferers in the history of long-suffering. There is no strength, independence, or responsibility in that sort of sociopathic bitchypocrisy of a narrative. It’s rather pathetic and certainly not very jaguar. Ms. Ahmad, if you want a father’s commitment (child support for a child he did not consent to create), you can get down on your fucking knees, humiliate yourself, and beg for it. I don’t care for your silly narrative, your imbecilic fetish for victimhood status, or your entitled attitude. I’m sure there are other reasons to disqualify you from jaguar status, but I’m going to reciprocate your sociopathic expressions and simply not bother to give any shits about them. The elusive jaguar remains elusive. The modern man remains single. Jaguars only and all others need not apply.

Jaguar (Small)


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